Category Archives: from the start

where it all started

it started almost 7 years ago, I fell in love with a lad who was standing outside of a church near a crossing. the wind was hasty cold, the rain was delicate but you could still see it falling on top of his big blue jacket.

and for the best part he was anon, I didnt know his name, I didnt know where he came from I didnt even know if I would see him again. sometimes I wish that happend.

That would have been many peoples experiences at least before the birth of social media, see when I was growing up, you could be tracked down pretty quickly. All you would have to do is put the first name of someone into facebook and you would more than likely be able to track someone down and add them as a friend.

the thing is i had an unusual name so I have always been easy to find.

that he did. and although I am anon for writing purposes I will call this person Zac.

Zac dated a girl that was at my school but I hadnt been at school for a number of years.

That moment where we met changed so much of my life for the next 7 years. Sex, drugs, manipulations, heartache, back stabbing, deaths, mental torture, relationship breakdowns, lying friends, toxic relationships, and a handful of house moves and two more babies. A journey of which I have sometimes wished I hadnt had to take, but I know that that’s just how fate and life works, shit happens.

dear reader

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about: So, yesterday it was my last appointment with my therapist that I was seeing for 7 month. It was daunting to leave her and daunting to be let go. She knows I have a dire interest to write and I love blogging I love poetry I love sharing my world and my life with you all. But there was one thing holding me back, the people that I grew to love and trust would be reading my items, chewing them up and spitting them out, calling me names, tracking down my address and posting me hate mail, destroying my life because of what I write. Even though it is nothing new, heart ache isnt new, living in abuse isnt new, living with fears anxieties and worries isnt new, its all been said and written before. I thought I was strong enough to not feel anxious and scared to write, but I am.

and this time this is the story I will be sharing with you, the side that no one else knew or heard. The side that I was unable to voice because of fear of arguments, fear of name calling, fear of conflict, and also fear for my voice being completely shut down.

she asked me what do i get from writing, and I said that I am able to be free, I am able to let go of any worries or concerns I am able to be in my own world without anyone to bother me, I am able to create and live and share the emotions that I am unable to share anymore with people that have walked away from me. I am sure that some of you will agree, poetry was there for me when all of my closest friends where not, and it breaks my heart that I have to do write hidden with no name but for now it is the only way that I feel that I can be safe.

yours,

Miss Anon

Writer

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